Everyone is sleeping in my house. Except for me. It’s always me who is awake in the middle of the night, looking at the moon, wishing it was me who was snoring…
It’s been so long since I posted on this blog. I haven’t written since March. But, today I have been thinking about writing all day and since I can’t sleep I guess I will type.
The moon is almost full so it’s really bright outside for 12:07 am. I can make out the trees and the house across the street even though there are no street lights. I can’t see any stars though. I love the twilight feel an almost full moon gives to the night.
I have been quiet lately. Keeping quiet has been easy. Probably too easy for this girl who has always struggled to let people in. So, now sitting in the quiet of house with only the moon and my computer screen to light the room I am forced to be honest.
I see the hypocrisy in what I just wrote; I mean, I write a blog! How can I say that I struggle to let people in? But, relatable and vulnerable are not the same thing, and transparency and relatable are not as close as they appear. I can do relatable really well! I struggle with vulnerable. I struggle with transparent.
So bear with me as I try…
I haven’t been writing because the past months have been hard in our house. We left the church we called home for 14yrs to go in the direction we felt God was/is calling us, and it has really been difficult. We have faced things with our kids that I never in a million years thought we would have to deal with, and it has been really hard. So many “little things” have piled up on each other that it has created a mountain that seems insurmountable most of the time.
But, the past months have also grown us. We have learned to follow the voice of God no matter how we feel because it’s the right thing. We have cried more tears and been more honest with each other and our kids than any other time I can remember because that’s what God wants from us. The growing mountain of “little things” has brought us to our knees together because it’s all we know to do.
A few months ago we were able to drive in the Scottish Highlands during what seemed like a never-ending twilight. It was one of the most breathtaking moments of my life. The mountains showed bright with the glory of the Creator all around us. The sky was full of stars you could just barely make out and the color around us was an indescribable blend of blue, purple, red, and orange. It felt like the mountains and the sky were swallowing us up on that narrow road as we tried to navigate through the unknown. But, there was just enough light to show us the way. What we saw as insurmountable was nothing when viewed in the light of God’s glory.
And, here I sit under that same moon, in another place, staring at different mountain.
I will choose happy tonight because it doesn’t matter how big or insurmountable the mountain in front of me is; I know that His glory will be written all over it when all is said and done.