So, I know I need to start writing again.  I just don’t know how…

It seems easy, right?  Like, you sit down and words just start flowing out?  Put your fingers on the keys (or pen to the paper; for those of you live in the dark ages, hehehe), the stars align, and you write this profound piece…yeah, it doesn’t seem to work like that lately.  As a matter of fact, writing seems to be the least of my worries.  It feels like I don’t know how to do anything anymore.

I think (actually, I KNOW), you guys have felt this way too!  We all go through seasons where our “know how” seems to be challenged.  Whether, it’s because we change jobs.  Or, a relationship suddenly gets difficult.  Whether it’s because we are suddenly the parent of a teenager, and have no clue who this child is anymore!  Or, even at the opposite end, you just had a baby and can’t even remember what sleep is let alone figure out how to make it happen!

Sometimes, everything seems to change!  And, in what seems like a moment, we can’t figure out who we are or where we fit.  We find ourselves sitting, staring, and wondering, how?

How do I go forward?

How can I make this work?

How long do I wait?

And, as I am trying to write this little blog, I am looking back at what. I. just. typed.  And, something is  standing out to me.  Hmmm, maybe you can just sit down at the keys and type…

Do you see it too?

It is so not the how that I need to be worried about.  It’s the I.

In my own strength.  In my own power.   I will never, EVER, know how.

My focus needs to realign.  My heart needs to trust.  Because, I will never know how until I know who.  And, ***spoiler alert*** who is always, Jesus.

He is the key to how.  Every time I forget how, I need to remember who.  I know He will make my path straight.  I know He is trustworthy.  I know His ways are so much higher than my own.  And, most of all I know His love for me is complete and forever and unfailing!  I will choose happy because knowing WHO gives me the victory over every how!



Oxymorons in Michigan

I love Michigan.  I love that we have seasons.  I love a good crisp fall day, and wonderfully warm spring morning.  I love torrential downpours and summer thunderstorms as much as I love snow days and windy, winter blizzards.  Living here allows us to have the unexpected right around the corner.  I have to admit, it’s what I like the most about this place.  The fact that there can also be warm fall nights, and 60 degree December days makes it worth the spring freezes and 45 degree July nights.   Michigan’s forecast tries to be “accurately predicted” but that seems like an oxymoron doesn’t it?


So often I try to accurately predict what the day, week, or year is going to look like.  I have a schedule.  I make plans.  I do my best to make things happen in the way, and in the time that I want.  And, it makes me happy when the plan is kept.

Laundry gets done on Monday, groceries on Tuesday, floors done on Wednesday, etc.  No one is sick, not one homework assignment is late, and all the work appointments are kept; that is a perfectly perfect week.

No.  Nope.  Never.  It seems like there is not one week that turns out like that well laid plan up there.

But, we get through it.  We press on to another week.  With the same plans and the same schedule, we wake up Sunday and cross our fingers that this week is gonna be perfectly perfect.  Of course, it’s not!  And suddenly, the week isn’t planned anymore; you just hope it’s “accurately predicted” like the Michigan seasons!

Illness rears it’s ugly head.  Infertility keeps you from moving forward.  Unemployment halts you in your tracks.  Even good things, like a dream job offer with questionable timing or a surprise pregnancy that changes everything, throw us off our carefully plotted course.

I am pretty sure this is where the choice is ours.  Where we get to make a decision.

We can continue with our plans.  We can force our way and keep the schedule.  We can complain and feel out of control when it doesn’t happen in our way, or in our time.  We can put a stop to everything, draw a line in the sand, and say that until that perfectly perfect schedule is kept we will not move forward.


We can choose to trust.  We can choose joy.  We can make the choice, that no matter what comes our way our only option is to love.  To love the life we have been given.  To love the people in our path.  To embrace what lies before us, and love the unplanned interruptions.


I want to chose what keeps me moving forward.  The one that puts me in the middle of God’s plan for my life, and has me wrapped up in His grace and safe in His arms.  I am pretty sure that means I have to go the love route.  That I have to trust.  I am pretty sure that means giving up my way and losing control.  I am pretty sure that means embracing the the oxymorons of this life and going forward in love and with His timing.

Wow, that is going to be hard!!!  This week choosing happy means letting go of the plans and the schedules; even if that means sitting outside in a sweatshirt in the middle of July.




White Noise

My husband snores!  And I don’t mean like a cute little see-saw noise as he peacefully sleeps next to me dreaming of our wonderful life together snoring.  I mean wake the dead, shake the rooftops, I think I may smother him while he sleeps so I can at least get an hour of peace and quiet snoring!  It has been kind of an issue.  Especially recently, because since we have had kids, I am the lightest sleeper on earth.  I swear, I can hear Jaden breathing across the hall and know when the girls roll over in their beds next door.  Needless to say, we needed to figure something out so that this wife and momma did not have murder on her mind most days! Well, not really, but…..okay, maybe REALLY!!!


So we went to Target (oh, how I love Target) and purchased a fan.  And not just a tiny, little, out-of-the-way, feels like someone is blowing on you fan, we bought the biggest and loudest fan we could find.  I mean, this fan took up the corner of our room and made so much noise you probably could have broken into our house, had a party, cleaned up, and in the morning we wouldn’t even have a clue!  This fan was a thing of miracles; I could sleep through the snoring and was a happy girl again!  All I needed was some white noise to drown out the distraction of the most annoying sound ever heard by human ears.

White noise is like that, right?!  It camouflages the sounds around us so we can focus on the task at hand.  Whether it’s sleeping, studying, or just trying to make sense of our thoughts we all need some white noise once in awhile.  Of course, it can be a little bit of a bad thing too.  The noise of the TV at dinner distracts us from learning the details of the day.  The noise from the radio in the car keeps us from connecting with our spouse, even though it’s the first time in weeks we have had more than five minutes alone.  The noise of busy schedules and responsibility keep us distracted from what is most important: being a family.

And then, sometimes the noise of WHAT my heart wants drowns out the one WHO my heart needs.

Be encouraged today because no matter how much you and I think we need the white noise (because I do, I REALLY do) there is always that quiet voice that manages to make itself known in the midst of the distraction. The voice of the One loves you at your lowest.  The voice of the One who gives when we don’t deserve it.  The voice of the One who wants your heart to be filled with the white noise that is His grace.